Thursday, March 26, 2015

Every Loving Woman's Simple Guide To Healthy Relationships




Every person IS deserving of love and we are in a constant process of growth and evolution. However, we are each responsible for only ourselves and what we bring to a relationship. Conversely, we are also responsible for what we allow, what we deny, tolerate and for how long.

I ask you to honestly consider for a moment, if you had a daughter, son, brother or sister whom you loved deeply and want only the very best of circumstances for, what kind of partner do you envisage them having a relationship with?

Too many of us have adopted the dis empowering belief that relationships are meant to be hard. That statement in itself sets an intention, so this is the reality we will attract. When we are not aware of our intention we will only see verification of our truth and just see unhealthy, abusive, and dysfunctional relationships.

I'd like to make it very clear that I don't believe relationships are meant to be survived or endured. If one person is defending, justifying or making excuses for the other, this is not healthy.

Please feel free to watch my latest short video here:
Top 10 Suggestions For More Conscious Relationships

Our relationships are also exemplary to others, such as our children who are innocently learning from us what a 'healthy' relationship signifies. What are we teaching them about what love is meant to be like for them when they grow up?

I have personally witnessed too many loving people in clearly dysfunctional relationships to even give one second of leniency regarding an indisputable sign of toxicity. Being witness to these kind of relationships have given me such a precise clarity of what I would never tolerate, and I'm greatly appreciative of the perspective this has given me.

Too many of us are settling for new relationships that don't have a solid foundation based on mutual respect, kindness, consideration and appreciation.



We fail to recognize or deny initial signs of dysfunction because of fear of losing what we've found. Too frequently we settle due to being drawn to an inappropriate person because of a magnetizing sexual attraction that seems to disable our otherwise rational thinking.

Compelling signs such as someone who is chronically negative, enjoys blaming, is irresponsible with their words and actions, shows signs of an active addiction, is argumentative, defensive, emotionally unavailable, disregards others, has no awareness or consideration of others' boundaries, and is unable to be introspective, should never be ignored.

These are red flags of someone who is not a primary candidate for a loving and spiritual partnership. These signs denote they need to spend time healing certain aspects of themselves, by themselves!
 
We also seem to have been programed to go into relationships intending to 'fix' the other person. This also isn't a healthy perspective and sets up unsound boundaries that eventually lead to an insidious resentment.

If you feel like you have to 'become' something or someone else in your chosen partners presence then this is indicative that you are denying expression of who you really are, in fear of them rejecting you.  If you feel a contraction, a pulling back or discomfort regarding expressing what you like to do, wear, eat, or feel these are all characteristic of suppression of your authentic self.



Alternatively, healthy personal traits of a person who is a prime candidate for a balanced partnership (in no particular order) include:
  • kindness
  • compassion and caring
  • openness
  • generosity of spirit
  • friendship 
  • honesty
  • self awareness and self responsibility
  • respect and consideration
  • clear communication
  • willingness
  • sharing and inclusion
  • open hearted
  • supportive and encouraging
  • honesty and genuineness
  • ability to see goodness in others
  • gentleness with self and others
  • emotionally available
  • demonstrate a trusting nature
  • dedication to personal development and spiritual growth
  • patience
  • ability to keep their word and make commitments 
  • a feeling of ease, happiness and expansion in their presence

We are energetic beings and we draw, or attract, the people and relationships that mirror our inner beliefs.


If you were raised with the belief that relationships are meant to be hard, then your difficulty in your chosen relationships will be justification of that. Perhaps being flexible enough to swap the word 'hard' for 'challenging' in itself can initiate a different kind of experience?

If on the other hand you believe relationships are meant to be fun, adventurous, based on companionship, consideration and on genuine care, then you will find yourself drawn to people who will fit that belief.

Relationships do challenge us. However, whenever I look back on misunderstandings I have observed others going through or myself have been through, my question has always been "How long am I willing to feel absolutely terrible for? Is my partner looking for a solution that brings a peaceful resolution, that is respectful of both our viewpoints and is committed keeping each others self worth intact? Would he rather be right than happy?"

I ask you to take a heartfelt look at what you believe you are deserving of, what you are settling or making excuses for, and what are you withholding from yourself?

If you TRULY believe you are totally deserving of love, commitment, honesty, support, then you will find that you will no longer be be drawn to inappropriate, questionable, and enduring relationships. They will just hold no appeal to you whatsoever.

You will be very decisive not to invest needless amounts of time on partnerships that don't mirror energetically who you know you truly are.


 If all relationships reflect something about ourselves then we bear responsibility first and foremost, to ourselves.


We have an absolute right to feel good, safe, loved, respected, and to be part of a partnership that enhances that. And of course, also encourages that in the other person too. This creates a fertile ground for a rewarding experience of life. The relationships built on a solid foundation of those qualities are worth our investing in.

Once you realize this, your choices of people whom you invest sharing and expressing your authentic self with will be strictly revised.

This epiphany will also speed up the manifestation of the loving relationship you came here to experience and that your heart years for.

Taking self responsibility is something I'm passionate about so I would like to take this opportunity to recommend an absolutely fantastic book for those readers of my blog who are interested in furthering their own growth in relationships.

It is written by my friend Shannon Sheridan who is a thoroughly experienced Marriage and Family Counselor. The Couples Thrival Guide helps individuals and couples to work through conflict and challenging interactions, helps people understand and take responsibility for their own behavior. It is structured as a workbook so has great exercises to participate in.
http://www.thrivaliving.com/current-releases.htm

If you too are an empowered woman, choosing self responsibility, dedicated to co-creating a magnificent life, and this information resonated with you please subscribe to receive my latest blogs and monthly inspirational newsletter!
www.journeythruwellness.com

2 comments:

  1. Excellent article - would have been a big(ger) help if I had read this 10 years ago. Would add one more attribute to the top of the list - EMPATHY which includes the ability to think and understand from another persons perspective.
    The only caveat is that this article will likely be dismissed out of hand by a person who is not introspective, is not committed to personal growth/improvement, lacks personal scrutiny/honesty, does not take self responsibility for his/her actions.

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  2. Such good information Dear Joanna and I am reading it a few more times as I need to take in all it has to offer. So much appreciation for recommending my book!

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